WTF?
I have uttered that phrase no less than 27 times in the past 72 hours. If it’s not the psychotic acts of others, it’s my psychotic need to control the psychotic acts of others.
W. T. F.
I have, to date, only seven days into the new year, managed to establish and destroy four resolutions. My latest salvation is a meager attempt to accept that acceptance is the answer to all of my problems.
Except….that my level of acceptance is at .05 right now and my desire to be RIGHT about EVERYTHING is blowing the roof to the moon and back, waking my greatest weakness – anger.
Anger is all-consuming. And useless.
Yet, as useless and non-productive as anger is, I will allow it to rob me of entire days, and, at times, whole weeks or months on end. I will grind around in my mind, shout-talking my way through imaginary arguments, cat fights, and boisterous triumphs over idiot people who piss me off.
Anger is my ego’s drug of choice. Anger makes me right all the time. Anger feeds my need to be heard. Anger enduces obedience in others via the threat of unclassified and unexpected rage. Anger, like all good drugs, makes me believe that I am in control. Anger tells me I am big and loud and I rule the world.
And, then, when the vial runs dry, anger leaves me desolate. Defeated. Deflated. Destructed.
But anger leaves me the fool. The person, place, or thing from which I cultivated anger remains unchanged. Unaltered. Untouched by my fury.
It is an exhausting, cyclical daemon. One that, on resolution number four, I hope to conquer. I’ve never battled a more useless addiction. Even cigarettes make more sense than short-circuiting over that or whom which I have no control.
January 7, 2009 at 1:57 pm
W. T. F.
Now, I know why you and Danielle get along so well.
January 7, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Only because I’m older and know enough not to unleash my opinionated righteousness on her. She’d throw it right back in my face.
And then I’d have to kill her for throwing my own shit in my face.
Only Gary can do that and live without justification.
January 7, 2009 at 2:23 pm
That’s because he’s so far away and killing him wouldn’t be feasible.
January 8, 2009 at 11:42 am
Anger is my nemesis. I didn’t do it for so long that when I learned that I could get angry and still be a good person I went overboard. Sometimes I still rant and obsess and all of that. I’m looking for that healthy balance. I want to align my anger with what my soul needs.
January 9, 2009 at 8:19 pm
I called my computer a mother fucker at work yesterday. and then i felt shameful.
January 9, 2009 at 8:20 pm
wait…who are you pissed at?
January 9, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Mama, I was born angry. btw – I love all the facebook pics of you. I totally want you for my mom!
Are you ready for who I am mad at?
…I don’t recall.
With all honesty, I took the Willow post down because I thought it was poorly written and I didn’t want people reading it anymore. I can do so much better and it should have more in honor of Willow rather give her a number and say life sucks.
Sooooooo….with that in mind, I wanted to throw something else on here that wasn’t me and Hazel chasing planes.
I guess at the time I was pissed. But now I can’t remember why.
On a lighter note, did anyone watch House the other night? House is a family event in my home – probably under poor judgement – so that when my three little girls got to watch graphic girl-on-girl action, I am clearly the one to blame.
It can’t be any worse than my Uncle Chuck taking me to see King Kong when I was five so that I could witness an over-sized ape fondle a pretty lady’s boobies.
January 10, 2009 at 3:45 pm
dood…the new scrubs is FUCKING AWESOME
i havent forgotten about house. I will stalk him someday. and i swear to god if you post about him before i get a chanse to I will set you on fire.
why did you fight with KC?
January 12, 2009 at 2:01 am
I don’t know what it is in people the ages of 30+ that is convincing them that it’s ok to blog. Not only blog, but to justify or protect the fact that life as they know it, is now over. Sure, you still have many years to watch your kids grow up and plenty of time for a crisis but when you’re sitting your ass on the computer typing your so accomplishing life away and refreshing the pages for hopeful comments about how fucking amazing you are, suddenly, this awesome life you lead seems less and less like “the shit” and more like shit itself.
We’re all sorry your husband doesn’t love you anymore and your batteries ran out. And that your dry bones are craving something more. perhaps something younger and fresh but you can’t have it because you’re a failure at life and at getting what you want. If this blog seems so fucking great to you than maybe you should accept that you’re just a completey waste of time and pitty.
Gawd. You old fucks with your sorry attempts at life.
January 12, 2009 at 8:54 am
Wow. That’s really hurtful. I’m not sure you know me well enough to say such hurtful things like that to me. You’ve given me a heavy heart on this Monday morning. I will pray for you.
What does “refeshing the pages” mean?
January 12, 2009 at 9:35 am
I love people with all the answers like Anon who have been in so much therapy all their lives that the only way to communicate is with anonimity. People with moxie aren’t afraid of making their opinions known, live with courage, conviction, and look for way to be of service to others. Like my wife.
January 12, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Wow I’m glad I stopped by today (although I was invited so it wasn’t really stopping by I’m afraid) to see the start of controversey that ANON caused. I love it when people post something like that but then don’t have the “testicular fortitude” to use their real name. I may have some pretty “interesting” ideas and comments but I’ve always used my real name and stood by my statements as being my own. Take a look back to the glory days on Julie’s and Spanky’s blog and you’ll see it’s true.
I just don’t understand the point, why post a comment like that for no reason? Did this person just stumble by this blog and feel the need to comment? Or is it a regular with an axe to grind? Or a person from the past being a prick? Who knows, and to be honest who cares?
And as a side note, you may detect by my tone that I’ve having a fairly bad day. I just found out that my favorite cousin got busted for (4) armed robberies to fuel his rampant drug habit. And to top it off I’m godfather to his son, so I guess it’s time to really step up.
To quote Hank Hill:
“With the joy of responsibility comes the burden of obligation.”
January 12, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Matt, I am sooooo sorry to hear about your cousin, but you know everything happens for a reason. Perhaps you are going to be the Man now.
I’m glad you popped in, because Cap and I were stumped over this mess. I think we are all friends because of our good nature to put it out there with our names engraved in it. We have no shame in shame itself. I, personally, have no problem telling people how it is. I may mess with the timing of my deliveries, but sooner or later, it comes to a head. Like today, for example, may be the day I tell this chick who comes to the gym how I feel when she chews on her clothes and puts her thumb in her mouth. Becuase, COME ON, what is THAT????? Grown peeps with fingers in their mouths and tattered sleeves????
Or maybe I will just hand her a pacifer.
Anon isn’t very good at being anonymous. I know a lot about her from those lovely things she has to say about me. I just don’t know who would want to learn that much information about me? What fuels that kind of fire? Aside from being an inside peep, this Anon chick had to do some research.
Because, let’s face it, not everyone knows about my dry bones.
The only thing that has me truly stumped is the part where I am craving something “younger and fresh.”
Is that a reference to yogurt?
Or pilates?
January 12, 2009 at 2:31 pm
The square button at the top right of the page with the green arrows facing opposite of each other is your “refresh button” if you click on it it will refresh the page so to speak and show things that weren’t there before. Also, if you right click on the screen you can rotate the page. This is not highly recommended since the mouse does not change and you will need great hand/eye coordination to get in back.
And B, if your batteries ran out, toots, you should have asked, I have plenty on hand. Mine takes D.
And C, who the fuck is the jerk off, blog counseling you on your so called accomplished life, which by the way, I think is very accomplishing? When did your husband stop loving you? When was you life was over? When did your bones dry up? Because, I have never had a inkling that you even suggested any of this. So, either, A, your stalker doesn’t know shit form Adam and is very clever with his words or B, your stalker may know a little and is very bored and trying to make a game out of it or C, your stalker does know who you are and is very jealous of what you DO have is trying to…well just hurt your feelings.
I will pray for them, too.
“I don’t know what it is in people the ages of 30+ that is convincing them that it’s OK to blog”
Um. maybe…just maybe the first amendment which really doesn’t have an age restriction and if you really knew what you were talking about most people blogging basically are over 30 so go back to my space until you grow up and realize what an ass you’re making of yourself.
January 12, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I dont pray for anyone. Especially worthless fucks.
I am all for a good fight. I am prize winning fighter. But this was lame, almost the like the internet “prank call”
I also stand by my words and sometimes I have to eat them so Anon, I hope you are hungry…you are about to eat some jag-off stew
How do you know this is a girl? I mean it sounds girly, almost like some freshman college person who took an english lit class and needs to show some people how smart she is…
Oh well, on a lighter I think house is on tonight and upon further reflection I am wondering if Anon got the two sisters mixed up because out of the two of us I am clearly the dry bones, husband neglected, failure at life….
Sissy I think i am on to something…
January 12, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Hi Sissy! Here’s the thing… some of the things that Anon expresses aren’t necessarily wrong; I often feel like a pathetic 30-something blogging to justify myself to other people and hoping that someone out there thinks my stupid life and its peripherals are like, totally cool. But then I think, so what? I’m 36, I like having an outlet to post pictures and rants online, so I use that outlet. And you know what? It’s not taking anything away from anyone, the internet is very large. So large in fact, that there are way more than 1000 websites out there. And since most people won’t regularly keep up with 1000 websites, only jerk-offs who get satisfaction from being mean to strangers bother to voice any concern over the very tiny amount of e-space you’re wasting.
The other nice thing about Anon is that he/she clearly enjoys ranting, and is choosing to spend his/her time ranting about how someone he/she has no respect for sucks for wasting internet space, thereby wasting more internet space on a rant that nobody cares about. Vicious circle. Jokes on him! Someday, he/she will be 30-something, and will probably have a dull blog or chatgroup somewhere.
Gawd, these young pups and their sorry attempts at making themselves feel something by projecting their inner black holes out at other people.
January 12, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Anon must be feeling pretty good about now.
Michael you made a good point. Anon’s post is so lame you almost have to hope that it’s ironic.
January 12, 2009 at 9:38 pm
I think my stupid life is cool. Infact I am a big fan of stupid.
Michael if my computer did not do a freak out everytime i went to your site I would avidly read about your stupid life too.
Ahhh well that was a nice little fight that began with a whispered phone call from sissy at 7.30 am telling me she had to delete her blog hhahahahaha then, it was a crisis…now its hilarious.
January 12, 2009 at 11:00 pm
“I often feel like a pathetic 30-something blogging to justify myself to other people and hoping that someone out there thinks my stupid life and its peripherals are like, totally cool. ”
I know! That’s what’s so funny about this. Tonight, I was telling some friends that someone came onto my blog and hit me dead-on. I was good at things when I was young, and now I’m not so good at things, and sometimes that sucks, but I have my kids to watch, and I blog to protect my ego….or whatever it is that Anon said I need to protect.
However, Spanky, you may be on to something with the dry bones gig. I’ll pass your address onto Anon’s email. And how right you are – it began with a whispered threat into the phone, then a big W. T. F., followed up with me giggling all the way to work at being upset in the first place.
Gary, I think Anon feels wicked awesome about himself/herself right now. I mean, dang, did you read that prose? Bones? Craving? Failure? It’s one of the most poetic comments this blog has housed. It was a keeper for that reason.
January 12, 2009 at 11:07 pm
The upside is that your blog is seeing more taffic and poor Anon///and I have to say everytime I type the name I think of that freak Adnon that britney spears was dating…so as I was saying Adnon is in a bad way right now. Shit, he might even be over at my blog telling me im fat…wait what?? I am ?? Praise Jesus the almighty adnon speaks the truth to all who will read his/her typed word
January 13, 2009 at 8:35 am
For the sake of comment fluidity, let’s say Adnon is a boy. I only called him a girl because of the sissy way he bolts around the Internet incognito.
I also called him a girl because I offened a girl last week, and will do so again for good reason.
January 13, 2009 at 9:18 am
And I’m glad to see that after commenting, anon stuck around to see what was up. Nothing like running through and shouting an insult without even bothering to see (or even enjoy?) the outcome.
January 13, 2009 at 9:34 am
I hear ya. Dang, if I’m going to stir the pot, I am totally hanging around to watch the place burn to the ground.
Plus, I wanted to reap the benefits of some more free fortune-telling services.
I do believe that Anon cuts and pastes from Kurt Vonnegut novels or professionally-written liturgies of loathsome intentions.
January 13, 2009 at 1:05 pm
ya know what really pisses me off? celery in my salads.
January 13, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Soup? Yes. Tuna salad? Yes. Regular garden or chef’s salad? No.
The other thing that pisses me off is when I delete every post I ever wrote and my system doesn’t save the word file.
[Please note that the terms "system" and "I" are interchangable in this context.]
January 13, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Well, what in the bloody hell happened here? I leave for twelve thousand months and look what happens. I’d like to address Anon, if I may…
First of all, Anon, you have no manners. First rule of Internet Club is don’t be rude without at least a name or link back to yourself. It’s common courtesy. Which the young kids don’t have anymore and I understand that. But you should understand that just because Mommy didn’t love you doesn’t mean you’re not pretty. So keep telling yourself that, PYT. Oh, no, you don’t know it means ’cause you are teh baby! That’s a shame.
Second? I completey pitty you, too. Grammar’s a bitch. So’s raising three kids to be decent people with manners who don’t leave anonymous insults on the internet.
Third? “A-you’re a pussy.”
And you know, I was going to say that all earlier and didn’t want to foul up the blog with languages on account of the kids. ‘Cause I might not hang, but I do read and that pissed me off. To the left, Junior! I’ll sic a dude on you who eats people like you for breakfast. You don’t even know.
Now everyone fucking pretend I wasn’t here. I have a fresh, young thing to go feel sorry for. They don’t trust anyone over 30, you know.
Peace out.
January 13, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I don’t know what has left me more breathless:
1. Prom pics of me posted on facebook
or
2. The return of the prodical blogger
What too you so long? Anon commented 35 hours ago.
January 13, 2009 at 2:22 pm
sidebar:
Claire is stacking coffee table books onto the wii fit board to trick the wii into thinking that she is on the board, when in reality, she is sitting on a chair with her feet softly tapping opposite ends of the stack of books to simulate motion/direction.
Oh, and there’s a squirrel under my couch. Whoozsha Kitty is keeping watch, but I do have the urge to dial that special number I keep handy for situations like these.
January 13, 2009 at 4:38 pm
If for nothing else it gave a shit load of traffic.
January 13, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Anon wants me to open up a 6-pack of whup ass!
January 13, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Yes, Cap, but we all know how I feel about traffic. It’s a pain in my ass to be coming over here all the time, seeing my friends, exchanging pleasantries, yadda, yadda.
Let’s make it a case, Mama!
I still think Anon is a girl. My expert PI supplied me with his/her location this morning. Anon lives in Philly.
January 13, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I just scrolled through five pages of blog presentation themes, picked a few, tried a few on for size, then found a really cool one with a black back-drop and separated comments with white print. And to top it off, I could insert my own custom header.
I clicked “activate” thinking that I was finally going experience full-spectrum satisfaction with my blog appearance.
And then I realized that I had picked the theme that was my theme before I picked a new theme.
January 13, 2009 at 7:44 pm
whup ass…hahha
was that heather I spied? I had a dream about her the other night…cont remember why…
I really hope you call that number because it my favorite part of you…the fact that you are….RESCUE 911
January 13, 2009 at 8:50 pm
You out-themed yourself, Sissy!
I’m gonna bust a cap on Anon. She’s somewhere between your crib and my crib.
January 13, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Mama, you hangin round those youngins in school too much?
January 14, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Cap – it’s contagious